Whether it’s an intractable dispute at the United Nations or a teenager’s dirty clothes on the floor, some conflicts are impossible to solve with words. This week Jungian analysts Lisa Marchiano and Deborah Stewart discuss finding a way forward when words no longer work.
Can This Relationship Handle Conflict?
When we raise difficult issues in our relationships, such as whether to have a child, address a partner’s alcohol consumption, or negotiate spending, we may discover that the other person stonewalls. A refusal to engage can take us from one difficult question to another: what does obstruction say about the relationship? Are we strong enough to handle difficult conversations?
Seeking Help When We’re Stuck
When repeated attempts at communication fail, a different approach may be needed. Deb shares her mentor’s rule: if you have clearly raised an issue three times without a meaningful response, it is time to step back and find support, perhaps from a friend, a therapist or a lawyer. This can lead to self-examination, a new perspective, or facing a painful reality and developing the strength to act.
Jung’s Unresolvable Conflict with Freud
The famous conflict between Jung and Freud proved unresolvable, leading to a permanent schism between the two giants of psychoanalysis. This plunged Jung into his confrontation with the unconscious that generated all his subsequent work and established analytical psychology as a discipline.
Creative possibilities can arise if we have the strength to move on when there is no prospect of repair with the other.
Here’s the Dream We Analyze
I’m at a house in the woods, kind of low and industrial looking from the outside. I don’t remember being inside. It’s on an incline and there’s perhaps a body of water in the distance. I see that my cat is with me, walking around. I worry that she’s outside but think she’ll be ok if I watch her. We’re heading back up to the house and I see her scratching at the ground and the earth falls away below, dirt and pine needles. There’s a metal grate underneath and I see a light far down below. There’s water under this walkway. It’s dark and I see that it is reflecting the bright sky.
Resources from the Episode
- Find the films of Stephen Apkon: Disturbing the Peace and There is Another Way.
- Learn more about Dr. Vamik Volkan and the International Dialogue Initiative on their website.
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