AUDIO
Art Credit: Jano Tantongco, jano.tantongco@gmail.com
AUDIO
The Demure Social Media Trend emerged as an unexpected countercultural movement, directly challenging the flamboyant and ostentatious behaviors that dominate digital platforms. This trend isn’t just about aesthetics; it delves into deeper cultural values, emphasizing modesty, restraint, and introspection. We must explore whether it signifies a return to elegance or imposes a subtle form of oppression.
Demure has significantly influenced the fashion market, emphasizing simplicity and understated beauty. It drives a return to classic cuts, neutral tones, and modest silhouettes. These choices reject the flashy, extravagant styles that pervade social media, favoring refined, timeless aesthetics that resonate with maturity and sophistication.
In this context, modesty becomes more than a style choice; it serves as a statement. Women, particularly those aged 30 to 50, increasingly express themselves online through this trend. It encourages us to focus on inner qualities rather than external displays, empowering individuals to define themselves on their own terms instead of succumbing to societal pressures.
The trend also intersects with the concept of restraint, where less truly becomes more. This restraint involves deliberately holding back, avoiding the loudness and excess that characterize much of modern social media culture. Rather than repressing expression, it promotes thoughtful, intentional decisions about how we present ourselves to the world.
Introspection plays a vital role in the appeal of the demure trend. By adopting a more reserved and contemplative approach, we turn inward, focusing on our inner lives and values instead of seeking constant external validation. This introspection aligns with the growing interest in mindfulness and self-reflection, offering a counterbalance to social media’s often superficial nature.
The resurgence of cultural practices, such as veiling in Catholicism, highlights the trend’s connection to tradition. Veiling is a symbolic act that creates a separation between the individual and the outside world, fostering a sense of privacy and sacredness. Although some find it controversial, this practice underscores the importance of creating boundaries in an increasingly connected and public world.
Psychologically, the demure trend addresses issues of affect regulation, particularly in anonymous forums. The ability to manage and contain emotions is a critical skill, often undermined by influencers who display histrionic traits. The demure approach, with its emphasis on calmness and composure, offers a path toward better emotional regulation and constructive containment.
Furthermore, the psychological appeal of the demure trend attracts introverts who often feel overwhelmed by the extroverted demands of social media. Introverted individuals naturally gravitate toward the quiet elegance of demureness, which aligns with their preference for privacy and depth over outward expression. This trend provides a space where introverts feel validated and empowered.
The trend directly challenges the societal emphasis on extroverted ideals. It acts as a form of resistance against the pressure to be constantly expressive and visible, instead championing the value of quietness, holding back, and focusing on the inner world rather than seeking external approval.
However, we must consider whether the demure trend inadvertently reinforces traditional gender norms. While it offers women a way to reclaim modesty and elegance in an empowering manner, it risks perpetuating outdated expectations of femininity, pressuring women to embody restraint and modesty above all else.
We also need to acknowledge the demure trend’s potential to promote elitism. This trend often emphasizes high-quality, minimalist aesthetics, which could become associated with a sense of superiority. Those who can afford to embody this style might be seen as more cultured or refined, potentially alienating those who cannot conform to these standards.
The trend’s connection to historical practices and traditional values provides a sense of continuity in a rapidly changing world. By embracing elements of the past, individuals anchor themselves in something enduring, which offers a sense of stability and identity.
The demure trend’s emphasis on privacy and self-containment resonates with those who feel overwhelmed by social media’s constant visibility and scrutiny. The ability to maintain a private, inner life becomes increasingly valuable in an age where personal boundaries are often blurred or ignored. This trend offers a way to reclaim that privacy and autonomy.
The demure trend also intersects with the concept of digital detox, where individuals seek to reduce their reliance on technology and social media. This aligns with the broader movement toward mindfulness and intentional living, encouraging us to focus on real-world experiences and connections over virtual ones. The trend prompts us to step back and reevaluate our relationship with technology.
Furthermore, the demure trend highlights the importance of emotional and psychological well-being. Modesty, restraint, and introspection aren’t merely about outward appearance; they are essential to cultivating inner peace and balance. This trend encourages us to prioritize our mental health and well-being in a world that often demands superficial perfectionism.
Lastly, the demure trend fosters a sense of community among like-minded individuals. This trend creates a sense of belonging for those who share similar values and aesthetics. This community provides support and validation, reinforcing the appeal of the demure lifestyle.
HERE’S THE DREAM WE ANALYZE:
I am standing in the living room of my parents’ home, looking out the bay window onto the street. I see a dark figure approaching, resembling a Grim Reaper. My heart sinks, and I hide out of view below the window, quietly calling out to my mother, who is in her room. “Mom! There’s someone here for you.” The figure knocks three times, and my mother emerges from her room to answer the door. When she opens it, the figure barges in, pushing a red file folder into her stomach assertively. My mother laughs nervously, unsure of what to do. I feel energy rising within me, and I stand up, pushing the Reaper out of the doorway and up against the side of the house. My mother stands beside me as I interrogate it. I speak to it forcefully, “Who are you? What do you want?” The Reaper, who was previously wearing a mask, now morphs into my mother at a younger age, approximately three to four years younger than she is now. Her hair is long and oddly patched with different colors. She says, “I am from another timeline. I cut my hair short, and I wanted to see if your mother cut her hair short in this timeline. She is the true timeline.” I tell her that she has never cut her hair short and that it’s time for her to leave.
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If one is truly being demure, they wouldn’t post anything at all, or post anything claiming to be so. In that respect, it should be viewed (as all social media should be) as what the person wants to advertise about themselves, and that is what the podcast is exploring (as well as the significance for the collective unconscious).
I enjoyed the commentary and the dream analysis. Feigning a demure quality could also be about signaling to others about “masking” — in other words, like the podcast aluded to, how does one deal with the demands of society and capitalism, while at the same time, navigate or conceal their emotions. If one is allegedly going the opposite direction from exagerrated displays of emotion or gawdy attention seeking tricks, where does a more healthy middle ground lie between the two?
Hi Gregory,
I thought the exact same thing!!!
I listened with great interest (as I always do). Lisa’s suggestion that this re-emergence of demureness as a virtue responds to the over-sharing on social media seems very plausible to me. However, I have always been suspicious of demure attitudes. (The following will probably reveal much about my own complexes, but here goes anyway.) DEMURENESS IS A POSE. It is an affectation of interiority that has as its mission drawing in (aka, luring) the outsider. In other words, it is attention-seeking by another means. If a woman sits contemplating the outside world through a mullioned window with no possibility of anyone seeing her there, then she is demure. The dictionary provides confirmation: “affectedly modest.” PS: the most demure of Austen’s heroines is undoubtedly Fanny in Manchester Park, almost no one’s favorite Austen novel.
I was hoping Lisa would reconcile the “very demure” trend with her thoughts on what she calls women’s “vital spark”: “the core essence of our innermost fiery qualities—creative aggression, fiery sexuality, emboldened disagreeableness, sharp-witted trickery, burning desire, clearsighted shrewdness, empowering anger, and bold authority.” These would seem to be the opposite of demure qualities and, as she argues in her eponymous book, so much more beneficial to women. After listening to the episode, I looked up the original TikTok video by Jools Lebron and felt it demonstrated the very opposite of demure behavior. I say this as someone who was raised to be demure, which was then and I suspect now all about keeping women quiet and modest, whether they wanted to be or not.