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Psychological boundaries are the invisible lines that define our limits – what we consider acceptable or unacceptable in interactions and within ourselves. The term boundary is metaphorical, borrowed from the idea of a line separating areas: what lies “in-bounds” is permitted, while what lies “out-of-bounds” is off-limits. In practice, personal boundaries help clarify where one person ends and another begins, both physically and emotionally. Maintaining healthy boundaries is widely regarded as a hallmark of emotional maturity and well-being. crucial for preserving one’s identity, safety, and mental health in relationships and social life.
Boundaries operate on multiple levels. There are interpersonal boundaries – the limits we set in relationships with friends, family, partners, or colleagues – and professional boundaries that govern appropriate behavior in workplace or therapeutic settings. There are also intrapsychic boundaries within our own minds, which delineate different parts of Psyche and mediate our internal stability.
Boundaries in Interpersonal Relationships
In relationships, personal boundaries define how comfortable we feel with various forms of interaction, from emotional closeness to physical proximity. They reflect our values, communicate our needs, and protect our well-being. For example, one person might be comfortable with hugs and sharing personal feelings, whereas another might prefer a handshake and more privacy – these preferences illustrate different boundary settings. Analysts often distinguish boundary styles on a spectrum from porous to rigid, with an ideal of healthy boundaries in between. Someone with porous boundaries tends to let almost anyone get close, may overshare personal information, and have difficulty saying “no” to others; this can lead to feeling overwhelmed or exploited. In contrast, someone with rigid boundaries keeps almost everyone at a distance, refuses to open up, and has a hard time asking for help – which can result in isolation. Healthy boundaries lie in the middle: one is selective about whom to let in or keep out, able to be both close and separate as appropriate. Healthy boundaries allow intimacy and trust to develop, but also ensure each person’s autonomy and safety.
One key to healthy relationships is finding the balance between closeness and individuality. We can suffer when boundaries are at either extreme. In enmeshed families, boundaries are overly diffuse – family members are tangled in each other’s emotions and lives, with little independence for each individual. In such an environment, a person’s feelings may depend heavily on how others feel, and saying “no” or acting autonomously can trigger guilt or conflict. On the other hand, in disengaged families, boundaries are too rigid – members are isolated from one another, communication is limited, and emotional expression is stifled. Clear boundaries – neither too tight nor too loose – enable family members to share thoughts and feelings comfortably while still maintaining their own identities. In a relationship with clear, healthy boundaries, people can be close and empathetic while also respecting each other’s personal limits. They feel safe to express themselves without fear that saying “no” or asserting a need will jeopardize the relationship.
Establishing interpersonal boundaries often involves communication and self-awareness. Assertiveness is a tool for boundary-setting. Being assertive means expressing one’s needs and limits clearly and respectfully – it is the “middle way” between aggressive behavior (which violates others’ boundaries) and passive behavior (which ignores one’s own boundaries). For example, instead of silently enduring discomfort or, conversely, lashing out when one’s limit is crossed, an assertive person would calmly state their boundary (“I need personal space when I’m working, so please knock before entering my office”). This direct communication helps others understand where the “line” is drawn. Assertiveness can greatly improve relationship satisfaction: it respects personal boundaries for all parties and prevents the resentment or burnout that arises when boundaries are violated repeatedly. In therapy, clients who struggle with saying “no” or who feel responsible for others’ feelings (common in codependent relationships) are often coached to challenge the belief that setting boundaries is “selfish.” Instead, they learn that healthy boundaries actually strengthen relationships by fostering mutual respect and preventing the buildup of hurt and resentment.
Cultural Considerations in Relationship Boundaries
Culture influences how people view and manage interpersonal boundaries. What one culture deems a healthy boundary might seem cold or odd in another. For instance, Western individualistic societies typically encourage setting clear personal boundaries as a sign of healthy self-esteem and independence. Many Americans, for example, believe it’s important to “stand on your own two feet” and not let others infringe on your time or values – saying “no” and drawing the line is often framed as an essential life skill. In more collectivist cultures, however, boundaries between self and family or community tend to be more permeable. Family members may be deeply involved in each other’s lives and decisions, and putting the group’s needs before one’s own is seen as a virtue. In such cultures, overt boundary-setting (like declining a family request or asserting one’s individual preference) can be perceived as selfish or alienating. For example, a woman in a tight-knit collectivist family might feel great internal conflict if her therapist advises her to set limits with relatives; saying “no” to hosting a weekly family dinner could violate her culture’s norms of sacrifice and loyalty, even though it might relieve her personal stress. Neither approach to boundaries is inherently “better” – they simply reflect different values. What’s considered a respectful boundary in one context (keeping emotional distance in a professional relationship, for instance) could be viewed as unfriendly in a context that expects warmth and overlap. Even personal space boundaries vary: preferred conversational distances differ across cultures (people in some countries stand much closer to each other than those in others when talking)
The key is that boundary norms are culturally learned. Therapists and individuals should be sensitive to these differences – understanding that someone from a communal culture might need a different approach to boundary-setting than someone from an individualistic culture. Ultimately, healthy boundaries must be “workable” within one’s cultural context – providing personal safety and well-being without unnecessarily violating social connection or customs.
Boundaries in Professional Settings
Boundaries are equally vital in our professional and working lives. In workplaces, professional boundaries help define roles, responsibilities, and appropriate interactions. For example, a manager maintains boundaries by avoiding favoritism and keeping personal friendships from unduly influencing work decisions; an employee sets boundaries by communicating availability (not answering work calls at midnight) or by politely resisting unreasonable demands. These limits create a sense of safety and predictability in organizations. When professional boundaries are clearly defined and respected, there is less confusion about expectations and less risk of ethical violations or interpersonal discomfort. For instance, a clear boundary against harassment or personal remarks in the office contributes to a respectful environment where everyone feels secure. On the other hand, poorly defined boundaries at work can lead to conflicts, exploitation, or burnout. Burnout, in fact, is often linked to boundary problems – such as when employees cannot say no to extra work or when work invades personal life 24/7. Studies have found that blurring the boundary between work and home (for example, checking emails during off hours or having no personal time) correlates with higher emotional exhaustion and lower happiness. Setting a firm boundary for work-life balance – like detaching from work communications during evenings and weekends – is increasingly recognized as essential for mental health.
In helping professions like psychotherapy, medicine, or teaching, maintaining boundaries is a foundational ethical principle. Therapists, for example, must establish clear relational boundaries: sessions start and end on time, the relationship remains professional (not a friendship or romance), and confidentiality is upheld. Such boundaries create a “safe container” for therapy, allowing clients to open up within a protected structure. The concept of the therapeutic frame (regular sessions, consistent rules) is analogous to a boundary that shields the process from disruptions. We may explicitly work with clients on professional boundary skills, such as assertive communication with bosses or colleagues. For instance, an overly accommodating employee might learn to set limits on their workload by practicing how to professionally decline extra tasks or negotiate deadlines. By reinforcing that it’s okay to protect one’s time and energy, individuals reduce work-related stress and prevent resentment that can arise from feeling taken advantage of.
Healthy professional boundaries also tie into leadership and organizational culture. Effective leaders model boundaries by respecting their team’s limits (e.g. not contacting them during vacations unless absolutely necessary) and by setting their own (e.g. delegating tasks instead of micromanaging every detail). This not only prevents burnout but also fosters trust – employees know where they stand and what to expect. Conversely, boundary violations in professional settings (such as a colleague who consistently invades others’ personal space or a boss who expects employees to sacrifice all personal time) often create dissatisfaction and conflict. Whether in corporate offices, classrooms, or clinics, boundaries serve to delineate a zone of professional respect – distinguishing personal from work roles, and ensuring interactions remain appropriate. They protect individuals’ dignity and well-being while enabling productive collaboration. As with personal life, finding the right balance is key: too rigid boundaries at work may make one seem aloof or unapproachable, whereas too permeable boundaries may lead to unprofessional behavior or overload. Mindful awareness of these limits helps maintain a healthy, sustainable work life.
Boundaries in Intrapsychic Structures
Not all boundaries are between people – many exist within our own psyche. Intrapsychic boundaries refer to the internal lines that separate different parts of the mind and allow for a coherent sense of self. There is a dynamic boundary between the conscious and unconscious: much of our desires and memories are below the surface of awareness (in the unconscious), and a sort of mental filter keeps them from flooding into consciousness.
The waterline represents a boundary separating conscious awareness from the hidden psychic material below. A healthy psyche maintains this boundary such that the ego (our conscious self) isn’t overwhelmed by unconscious impulses, but can still draw from them in manageable ways. If the boundary between unconscious and conscious breaks down completely, reality can be overtaken by inner impulses and fantasies (as seen in psychotic states). If the boundary is too rigid, one might become overly repressed or emotionally numb.
Jung was very interested in the boundary (and dialogue) between the conscious ego and the unconscious (both personal and collective unconscious). He introduced the idea of a “temenos”, a sacred inner space, to describe the psychological container in which transformation can occur. In analysis, Jung considered the analytic relationship as a kind of protected circle or magic circle where unconscious contents can safely emerge. He borrowed temenos from the Greek concept of a sacred enclosure (like a temple set apart from ordinary life). In ancient Greek religion, a temenos was a space marked off to dedicate it to the gods, with clear boundaries to keep out everyday chaos and to concentrate spiritual energy. Jung applied this metaphor to the psyche: within a person’s inner temenos (for example, in the process of active imagination or during therapy), one creates a mental boundary that protects the “center” of one’s personality from being swamped by external influences. Inside this safe container, one can confront the shadowy parts of the unconscious without losing oneself
Symbols like the mandala – a circular, symmetric figure – represented this principle. A mandala’s design has a center with a surrounding circle, often interpreted as the Self (total psyche) protected by a boundary from chaos. Jung observed that patients in states of psychic turmoil often drew mandalas, as if their psyche were trying to shore up its boundaries and establish order around a center. Individuation requires careful negotiation of boundaries: one must open up enough to unconscious influences to gain insight and wholeness, but not be completely overwhelmed by them. In fact, Jung warned of the danger of dissolution into the collective unconscious – losing one’s individual ego boundaries entirely in a sea of archetypal psychic material
The goal is a dialectical relationship between ego and unconscious, a dialogue across the boundary that separates them. We need a “transitional space.” This is the intermediate area of experience between inner and outer reality (like when a child plays with an imaginary friend or a beloved stuffed toy). That play space is neither entirely inside the child’s mind nor fully in external reality – it’s a boundary zone where creativity and imagination flourish, allowing the child to gradually differentiate self from others. Such concepts underscore that intrapsychic boundaries are not merely defensive walls; they also form contact points or membranes through which different parts of the psyche interact. A healthy psyche has boundaries that are resilient – they can bend and flex to let in new experience or creative insight, but also firm up to preserve a stable sense of self.
Cultural and Mythological Dimensions of Boundaries
Boundaries are not only psychological; they have rich cultural and mythological significance. Human societies have long used boundary imagery in myths and rituals to make sense of the world. Many mythologies personify or sanctify boundaries: for example, the ancient Romans worshipped Janus, the two-faced god of beginnings, gates, and doorways
Janus is usually depicted with one face looking forward and one backward, symbolizing his mastery over thresholds – he simultaneously gazes into the past and the future, the inside and the outside. Janus presides over transitions and duality, essentially embodying the concept of a boundary point between two states. In Roman culture, invoking Janus meant seeking safe passage through a transition (such as the new year, for which January is named after Janus). The image of Janus reminds us that boundaries often have a dual nature: they separate and connect at once. A door divides two rooms but also allows movement between them. Mythologically, crossing a boundary can be both dangerous and transformative – it is the moment when one leaves the known and enters the unknown. Heroes in folklore frequently encounter threshold guardians, creatures or figures that stand at the boundary of a forbidden place (a dragon at the gate, or a sphinx at the city walls) to test whether the hero is ready to pass
These narratives reflect a deep understanding that boundaries are points of trial and change. Many cultures have specific rituals around boundaries and transitions. Rites of passage move individuals from one social state to another (like adolescence to adulthood) as having a liminal phase – literally a threshold stage. During this liminal period, participants often occupy an ambiguous space where normal social boundaries are suspended: they are “betwixt and between,” no longer what they once were, but not yet what they will become. Such rites might involve seclusion, wearing special garments, or crossing symbolic lines, emphasizing the crossing of a boundary. For example, initiates may be taken to a secluded area at the edge of the village (the boundary of community territory) and undergo challenges, symbolizing the crossing from childhood’s protected world into the broader realm of adult society. These cultural practices acknowledge boundaries as transformative thresholds – crossing them wisely is necessary for growth, but doing so carelessly can court danger. Even in religion, boundary themes abound: concepts of sacred vs. profane space are essentially about boundaries. A temple or shrine is often demarcated by a fence, wall, or marked perimeter (the temenos in Greek tradition) that sets it apart from ordinary ground
One must often purify oneself or follow certain rules to enter this sacred enclosure, reinforcing the boundary’s significance. Crossing from the profane outside world into the sacred space is a profound act, and the boundary rituals (like removing shoes, washing hands, saying prayers at the gate) ensure the transition is respectful. As Jung noted, these external cultural boundaries have their parallel in the psyche’s need for a protected inner space.
Historically, the notion of personal boundaries as we discuss it in analytical psychology has evolved over time. In more communal eras, the idea of an individual’s personal emotional boundary was not as salient as it is today – one’s identity was largely defined by family, caste, or tribe, which meant a more permeable self-other boundary by default. With the rise of individualism (especially in Western societies), the concept of maintaining one’s personal space and privacy gained importance. By the late 20th century, “setting boundaries” entered the popular lexicon as an essential self-help skill
In a sense, our culture’s invisible circles of personal space and emotional limits have become a shared framework for understanding conflicts – when someone feels hurt in a relationship today, they might say “you crossed a boundary,” framing the issue as a violation of an implicit rule. This language, while new, connects to an age-old motif: humans have always understood transgressions in terms of crossing forbidden lines, whether those lines are physical (trespassing on property or sacred ground) or emotional. Different eras and societies simply draw those lines in different places.
The Dialectic of Rigidity and Permeability
A core theme in the analysis of boundaries is the dialectic between rigidity and permeability. Boundaries that are too rigid can stunt growth and isolate us, while boundaries that are too porous can leave us vulnerable and undefined. The challenge is achieving a dynamic balance – having boundaries firm enough to provide structure and identity, yet flexible enough to allow connection and change. This dialectic shows up in many forms. In relationships, it appears as the tension between autonomy and connection: each person needs to maintain a sense of self (autonomy) but also to bond and merge at times with loved ones (connection). Developmental psychology and attachment theory illustrate this well. A securely attached child, for example, uses the parent as a secure base (the relationship provides a protective boundary) from which to explore the world; the child can venture out (independence) and return for comfort (closeness). If the parent’s boundaries are too rigid – say, emotionally distant or unresponsive – the child may learn to avoid seeking comfort (leading to an overly independent, avoidant attachment style). If boundaries are too loose – say, a parent who smothers the child or cannot let the child individuate – the child may become anxiously attached, overly entangled in the relationship. In adulthood, similar patterns emerge: a person with excessively rigid boundaries may avoid intimacy and have difficulty forming close bonds, whereas someone with overly porous boundaries might become enmeshed in others’ lives and struggle with identity outside a relationship. The healthiest scenario involves dialectical flexibility: sometimes we strengthen our boundaries to assert independence, and other times we soften them to achieve closeness.
We can contrast enmeshed (overly permeable) versus disengaged (overly rigid) relationship patterns, with clear boundaries as the ideal middle ground. A clear boundary is firm but not harsh – it delineates “this is me, that is you,” while still allowing mutual influence and empathy. In practical terms, a person with clear boundaries can say “no” when they mean it, but also say “yes” to appropriate intimacy and help. They don’t build walls out of fear, but they do have a secure perimeter that filters what they let in. This image of a semipermeable membrane is useful: consider how a cell wall in biology lets nutrients in and keeps toxins out. Similarly, a psychologically healthy boundary lets in support, love, and constructive criticism, but blocks manipulation, abuse, or unhealthy enmeshment. This selective permeability requires self-awareness and discernment. It is not always easy – there is a constant negotiation at the boundary.
Beyond relationships, the rigidity–permeability dialectic plays out internally as well. Creative thinking involves relaxing our usual cognitive boundaries to allow novel ideas to intermingle – essentially making the mind more permeable to random associations (think of brainstorming or daydreaming). However, to refine those ideas into something useful, we often need to re-impose structure (more rigidity) to focus and critique. In personality research, there is even a trait called boundary thinness or thickness
People with thin boundaries tend to be more open, sensitive, and merge their thoughts and feelings with others easily, whereas those with thick boundaries are more compartmentalized and separate in their identity and experiences. Neither extreme is pathologically bad per se – each has pros and cons. Thin-boundaried individuals can be very empathetic and imaginative (the boundaries between self and other or between reality and fantasy are looser, aiding creativity), but they may also be prone to confusion or taking on others’ distress. Thick-boundaried individuals are often very organized, clear on their identity, and less likely to be overwhelmed by emotions (the boundary between self and others is strong), but they might struggle with adaptability or intimacy
The ideal is context-dependent: a poet or artist might benefit from thinner mental boundaries to access inspiration, while an air-traffic controller likely needs thicker boundaries to stay focused and calm under stress. In either case, self-awareness of one’s “boundary style” can guide personal growth – a highly thin-boundaried person might practice grounding techniques to firm up their sense of self when it’s getting lost, whereas a very thick-boundaried person might practice empathy and perspective-taking to open up to others. The dialectic is that both rigidity and permeability have value; psychological health involves not a static point between them, but an ability to move along the spectrum as life demands.
Crucially, the opposition between selfhood and relationality – me versus we – is reconciled through healthy boundaries. A strong sense of self actually enables deeper connection: when you know where you end, you can meet the other fully, rather than either invading them or losing yourself. Autonomy (individual agency) and relatedness (connection with others) are basic human needs
We thrive when we experience both in balance. Boundaries are the tools by which we navigate these twin needs. By adjusting our boundaries – tightening to feel autonomous, loosening to feel connected – we engage in a lifelong dialectic that shapes our identity and relationships. Too much autonomy without connection can lead to loneliness; too much connection without autonomy can lead to a loss of identity. Healthy boundaries help us avoid either extreme by continually calibrating how open or closed we are in different moments and contexts.
Practical Applications: Building Healthy Boundaries
Understanding boundaries on a theoretical level is one thing; applying this knowledge in daily life is another. Many people find it challenging to set or adjust boundaries, especially if they were raised in environments where unhealthy boundaries were the norm (e.g. very controlling or very enmeshed families). The good news is that boundary-setting is a learnable skill, and improving it can lead to noticeable positive changes in mental health and relationship quality. Here are some practical applications and strategies for cultivating healthy psychological boundaries:
- Self-Reflection and Self-Awareness: The first step is to identify your current boundaries and where they might need adjustment. Reflect on situations that leave you feeling violated, resentful, or drained – these often indicate that a boundary needs strengthening (for example, you felt angry after agreeing to a favor you didn’t have time for, suggesting you need to set limits on your availability). Conversely, if you feel lonely or disconnected, ask if any boundaries are too rigid (for example, you never ask friends for support or you keep all conversations superficial). Journaling about personal limits, or mapping out where “I end and others begin” in different domains (emotional, physical, time, etc.), can bring clarity. Psychologists often have clients list rights they have in relationships (e.g. “I have a right to my own opinion,” “I have a right to say no without feeling guilty”) to reinforce a healthy sense of entitlement to boundaries.
- Clear Communication: Once you know your limits, the next challenge is to communicate them. This involves a degree of assertiveness. Use “I” statements to express your needs or limits without blaming others: for instance, “I feel overwhelmed and need some quiet time, so I won’t be joining the group tonight,” or “I prefer we keep our meetings focused on work topics.” Being direct yet respectful is key – you are honoring your boundary while also acknowledging the other person’s perspective. It can help to plan out or even rehearse boundary-setting statements if you anticipate difficulty. Remember that you are informing others about your requirements for a healthy interaction; you are not asking permission. Still, communication goes both ways – invite others to share their boundaries as well, and be prepared to negotiate at times. For example, in a romantic relationship, one partner might need more personal space while the other wants more together time; through open dialogue, they can find a balance (perhaps designated alone times versus together times) that respects both partners’ boundaries.
- Consistency and Enforcement: Setting a boundary once is not enough; it has to be maintained. This is often where people struggle, especially if others test or push against the boundary. It’s important to follow through on stated consequences or limits. If you told yourself you wouldn’t answer work emails after 8 PM as a boundary for work-life balance, then when 9 PM comes and an email arrives, you enforce the boundary by waiting until morning to reply. If you informed a friend that you cannot tolerate yelling in arguments, and they begin to shout, enforcing the boundary might mean pausing the conversation or leaving the room until it can resume calmly. Enforcement doesn’t require anger or drama – often a calm reminder is enough (“I’m going to step away because I don’t want to continue under these conditions”). By showing consistently that your boundaries are non-negotiable, you teach others how to treat you. This can be hard if you’re used to people-pleasing, but it gets easier with practice and as you experience the benefits (less resentment, more self-respect).
- Flexibility and Reassessment: Healthy boundaries are not etched in stone; they may evolve over time or need to be adapted for different relationships and cultures. Be willing to reassess your boundaries periodically. You might find that a boundary that was crucial in early recovery from a trauma (e.g. not discussing a painful topic) may loosen as you heal and can now face that topic safely. Or you may learn that a boundary strategy that worked with one person doesn’t work with someone else – perhaps you can joke with a sibling about a sensitive issue but need a firmer line with a colleague on the same issue. Life changes (new jobs, marriages, moving countries) can also necessitate boundary adjustments. The aim is balance – avoid being so rigid that you never adapt (this could alienate others or limit growth), but also avoid being so flexible that your boundaries become unclear. If you do decide to relax a boundary, do it consciously and monitor the results, rather than simply caving in due to pressure. On the flip side, if you realize a boundary needs to be stronger (you’ve allowed your exercise time to be eroded by work demands, for example), proactively tighten that boundary by creating new rules or support structures (such as scheduling exercise on your calendar as a non-negotiable appointment with yourself).
- Seek Support and Modeling: Sometimes we need help to learn boundaries, especially if it feels foreign or frightening. Therapy or assertiveness training groups can provide a safe space to role-play boundary-setting scenarios and get feedback. A therapist can also help explore the underlying beliefs that make boundary-setting hard (“If I set a boundary, people will stop loving me,” or “Good employees must always say yes,” etc.) and then work to challenge and reframe those beliefs. It’s also useful to observe people with healthy boundaries in your life – notice how they handle situations. You might have a colleague who diplomatically declines extra commitments when she’s busy, or a friend who doesn’t get sucked into gossip and maintains a kind detachment. Notice the positive outcomes of their behavior; this can reinforce that setting boundaries is not only okay, but leads to greater respect. Finally, support can involve enlisting others in respecting your boundaries. Let’s say you are trying to set a boundary of not drinking at social events for health reasons – telling a close friend about this goal means they can help reinforce it, perhaps by ensuring there are non-alcoholic options and by discouraging others from pressuring you to drink.
In applying these strategies, patience is important. If you’ve long had weak boundaries, people around you might initially react poorly or be surprised when you start asserting yourself – that’s normal. Stay the course kindly but firmly. Over time, those who truly care about you will adjust and likely even appreciate the healthier you. Those who consistently refuse to respect your boundaries may naturally drift away, and while that can be painful, it often leaves room for relationships that are more supportive. In essence, every time you set a healthy boundary, you are communicating to yourself and others that your well-being matters. This builds self-trust and self-respect, which are foundational for a fulfilling life.
Conclusion
Boundaries, in all their forms, are about defining and protecting the integrity of something valuable – whether that “something” is one’s self, one’s relationship, one’s workspace, or one’s sacred ground of meaning. The analysis of boundaries reveals a complex interplay between separation and connection: we draw lines not to live in isolation, but so that our contact with others and with the world can be safe, meaningful, and true to who we are.
Exploring one’s own boundaries is an ongoing, deeply personal journey. It involves listening to the cues of our emotions (anger might signal a boundary violation, guilt might signal a needed boundary, etc.), learning from mistakes, and honoring both our need for connection and our need for individuality. By integrating the wisdom of analytical psychology with practical action, we can cultivate boundaries that are not walls shutting life out, but rather wise fences that make good neighbors. As the saying goes, “Good fences make good neighbors,” but in human terms, good boundaries make for healthy minds and relationships. They give structure to our psyche and soul, allowing us to build connections that are strong, respectful, and nourishing for all involved.
HERE’S THE DREAM WE ANALYZE:
I was walking on my university campus with a friend, discussing how we would react if we were mugged. As we walked down a dodgy-looking underground stairwell, I descended quickly, ahead of her. Calling out for her, I received no response, so I turned back to find her. A slender older man appeared, intensely curious about why I was turning around. He began following me, making me feel extremely uncomfortable. To deter him, I lied, saying there were crocodiles in the water below and that we no longer wanted to go there. We then walked back onto campus, but he continued following us. As we passed a music classroom, I braced myself for him to rob us. The sound of a saxophone—an instrument I once played competitively—drifted through the door. Hoping to signal to the teacher for help, I entered the class and saw a young girl playing the flute. Watching her read the music and lean into it, I felt transported back to my younger years. In that nostalgic music room, the man no longer seemed like a threat, as if the familiar melodies had created a barrier of safety around us.
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Good episode! I especially liked Deb’s comment about the hammer and the anvil, and also liked Joseph’s mention of pressing past static boundaries into the unknown.
In his essay entitled, “Jung and Rebirth,” Alfred Plaut stated that the most persistent aspect of rebirth is the repeated crossing of thresholds between superego and self. I think this repeated crossing of boundaries is the hammer and anvil mentioned by Deb, and also perhaps related to Joseph’s metaphor of having diplomatic relations between ego and the unconscious.
The one question I would raise would be to comment on Lisa’s mention of aggression (or lack thereof) in the need for boundaries. What causes someone to not have the necessary agression needed to form important boundaries? Conversely, what would cause someone to have an abundance of agression in the development of boundaries or self? When you get into the realm of developmental issues or trauma, the topic of boundaries is not very clear, and so there needs to be more discussion on the gray areas that exist for people that are in this category.
Lisa’s mention of splitting off unwanted parts of the self is crucial when noticing geopolitical issues around the world, or when simply seeing how one creates their own problems around them to be dealt with (or not) in the other. Diplomatic relations (the transcendent function as Joseph alluded to) is important in all of this, but isn’t there something else needed if one is also dealing with trauma or developmental issues? I can only think of the work of someone like Kalsched or Schwartz-Salant for something like this. Schwartz-Salant (in his book on bpd) points to respecting the mystery of the coniunctio and also giving value to the darkness inside and not ignoring it (or splitting it off). It just seems like boundaries are all well and good, but for people who are dealing with overwhelming (or repressed) affect, they don’t really exist as much.